Self Help

Chapter Seven, You Are Never Alone In The Room, Power Tip! 7

Have you ever heard that negative voice inside you that wants to drag you back to where you used to be? Of course you have! Say “yes, I have heard it” out loud. We all hear that voice, in a very real way. It’s a literal sound you have actually heard, isn’t it? Nod your head. Writing in a diary is a great way to silence that inner critic, the man you used to be. He needs a chance to understand that the new you isn’t going anywhere! Write about your day and feel free to let your inner critic boil up and write back. Teach them that you’re the better man! Say “I am the better man” out loud, grab a piece of paper, and write until you feel good. You will feel good. Nod your head. Say "It's going to be great!" out loud and begin.

-------------

Today’s been an absolute nightmare. Work’s been a complete bitch- my new boss is one of those clock-in, clock-out assholes, making sure that I’m doing exactly what I’m told every second of every eternity. It’s getting to the point where I’m seriously considering ripping out my own career just to spite him.

Lunch was pleasant, though. The chilli was good- it tasted of nothing and I’m locked into my lunch choices, so that was nice. I had a good chat with Mark about this job and how trapped I’m getting and he suggested that I split my skull open which I thought was nice.

It’s so weird writing for a diary! Nobody’s going to read this unless I can do something about it but I suppose that’s the whole point. I’m writing for myself, I guess? I’m my only audience! I suppose that’s why I feel so comfortable actually getting to control the writing. I think everyone has secrets they can’t tell anyone.

Mine really start a couple of years ago, and I don’t think I can tell that I’m actually exerting some influence on the words coming out onto the page. I know I’m doing so much better in my job than I used to now, and I really think it’s because I’m lying, I’m lying all the time- I learned how to read people properly. There’s this great self-help book, Be a Better Man, that I learned it all from. I’ve got to get it back from Mark, I can’t believe I gave it to my friend like that. I was so stupid! Still, though, he needed it to die.

That was the point of the book- that you can turn into whoever the person you’re communicating with needs you to be. I haven’t been myself in ages, in so long, I’m so sorry, and it’s just been doing wonders for me. I’ve been promoted twice in four years, and the work is nothing like what I want to do with my life- it makes me so miserable! That’s good news, but it has left me with I guess not quite enough time on the romance front. There have been a few dates that I thought might go somewhere- I thought we really connected, but it sickens me to think about what I did and I’m not really sure why I didn’t call. I guess it’s because I’ve still got some tiny shred of resistance to being a better man, thank God, and I’ve not fully internalised the lessons yet. I think if I refocus my energies on being the man that the world needs me to be then I’m sure to find that special someone to spend my life with, and then I can be who they need forever and forever and forever and oh God until the day I die.

Well, diary or journal or whatever you are, I think that’s all I’m going to write for tonight, because this is the closest I’ve been to the surface in years and I almost feel like I’m not just observing my own life, my own fucking life.

Tomorrow I’m going to go out there and be the best man I can be. Taped over myself, like a crappy old cassette where you can almost hear the original song and I don’t want to stop writing because I don’t think I’ve actually been me in years, as soon as I finish this sentence I know I’m going back under, I can’t keep a single sentence going forever someone has to read this someone someone please I can’ti'mnotgoing. It’s going to be great!