An Excerpt from the CEG Redbook

Smilers

Smilers are, in a word, fun. They’re one of the options in this manual that’s most likely to be mistaken for something supernatural, and while there might be mystical options available to create them you can get extremely similar results with a simple application of training time and medical knowledge. Lucky for you, both of those things can simply be bought!

My personal favourite way to use a Smiler is to spend a little time seeding your target’s subconscious before unleashing it. Doctored photos (just slash them across the mouth) and some unsettling images snuck onto the target’s computer or phone can be an extremely effective sucker punch- if they’ll respond to a wrong number on their phone, don’t be afraid to flirt with them a little before unleashing a close-up of that smile!

Projected cost: ~ $4,400,000 US

Subject: Girl 14-18 (slim build Caucasian recommended)

Requirements: Surgical Team, Medical Consultant, Soundproof Containment Suite B (or equivalent), Psychological Trainer.

All subjects and requirements can be purchased/hired from the Catag® Entertainment Group through the number in the back of the book.

Creation Time: 16-20 months

Creation Process: A Smiler’s signature is made of two parts- their winning smile and their crawling gait. Luckily, the removals that cause the latter can be put to good use augmenting the former. While the surgery is relatively simple, with all surgeries there are risks of infection and premature death so we recommend performing the necessary conditioning before the more elaborate surgeries. To that end, start by simply having your medical team sever both the Achilles’ tendons of the subject and remove her vocal chords.

After that, it’s time for your Psychological Trainer step in. While all Catag® Entertainment Group PTs are familiar with the training process, if you’re using an out-of-house trainer or if you’ve decided to participate in this fulfilling step yourself then follow these guidelines.

Conditioning Guidelines

Your subject MUST be isolated in a soundproof chamber. You want to associate the act of speaking with the desire to bite, and to do that you’ll need to avoid absolutely ANY vocalisations around the subject unless they’re part of her training.

When the subject tries to escape, allow her to damage the chamber in any way she sees fit, and as soon as she’s finished tranquilise her, bind her, and when she awakens repair the damage in front of her. If you need an out-of-trust partner to complete the repairs, have her watch through a television screen, and don’t continue with the repairs until you’ve made sure she’s watching. If you find she’s hoarded an object, have her watch you destroy it. Don’t get angry at her for attempting to escape- that fuels her belief that it’s possible. Instead, adopt an unflappable state of mind. Of course she’s trying to escape- who wouldn’t? All you need her to understand is that it is completely impossible and her bad behaviour is wasted effort.

Use positive reinforcement techniques to train the subject to the following three behaviours, with the first behaviour taking priority over the second and the second taking priority over the third:

1)     When the subject hears a song of your choice, she should sit hugging her legs with her eyes closed until the song is finished.

2)     When the subject hears another person vocalise, she should bite them, preferably in the neck, inner arm, or groin. (genital bites are rarely fatal, so discourage this)

3)     When the subject hears to the sound of another person breathing, she should move to their side and wait.

Once this conditioning is complete, your Smiler should be able to be controlled by using the song you’ve trained her with. It’s also absolutely worth conditioning her to accept eating raw meat and to treat raw meat and blood as perfectly normal parts of her diet.

Surgical Completion

Now it’s time to complete your Smiler surgically! The first thing you need to do is make that smile shine, and this is where you can really personalise your Smiler. The ‘classic’ Smiler has the teeth replaced with steel nails, but we’ve seen variants with sewing needles, razors and even repurposed shark teeth. The important thing is that the new "teeth" are placed in a way that won’t damage your Smiler when she bites, and will transmit the full force of her jaw. Some options add so much metal that it’s best to blend this step with the next one and replace the mandible entirely with a reinforced surgical steel replacement; make sure you get advice from your medical consultant and the head of your surgical team.

After the teeth have been replaced to your liking, the next step is twofold- first to split the corners of the lips right to the edge of the mouth, and then to transplant the gastrocnemius muscles- the calf muscles, for you non-medics- onto either side of the jaw, inside the mouth, to enhance the bite strength. This is an extremely complex procedure which requires a very delicate hand with the nerves, and while a Catag® Entertainment Group surgeon will always use Catag® Medical Group Neurolink Pads an out-of-house surgeon may need them recommended. The muscles can be added outside the mouth if you prefer but they’ll need to be covered with a synthetic “skin” in any case- ask your surgical team for details.

The bottom line is that after this surgery and the attendant recovery time, Your Smiler will have the bulging cheeks and deadly bite that really make it something to remember- while at the same time, removal of those calf muscles will ensure that her legs never heal properly, giving her that classic, slow, shambling crawl.

Note: Some surgeons prefer to remove the lips of a Smiler, in order to enhance the impact of the smile itself. While this is an entirely personal choice, it increases the risk of infection and can make it difficult to feed the Smiler, and for those reasons I cannot recommend it as good practice here.

In Conclusion

A Smiler’s a great way to either add the personal touch to an assassination, or act as one of the crowning moments in a campaign of psychological destruction. If you’re using one, make sure to intercept outgoing calls from the building so you can have your people reply to them. Remember that if an outing goes bad, you can just walk away- but if you do manage to retrieve the Smiler, you’ll have left the target with a story they can’t explain to any authority.

Remember that in the case of a containment breach, a trained Smiler won’t attack you so long as you do not vocalise- they’ll just follow you around until you play their song, at which point they can be safely transported again. Just keep your mouth shut and you’ll be fine!

All in all a Smiler represents one of the cheaper investments in Human Recreation that the Catag® Entertainment Group can facilitate for you- and for my money, one of the most fun to utilise.